`In today’s society I think it’s really hard to find the type of love we all strive for. It is possible no doubt but finding it without the trial of life seems near impossible. I absolutely and whole heartedly love how I love people, but when will I be loved like that?
My favorite book genre currently is romantasy, the dark shadowy love interest and the powerful yet graceful main character with their enemies to lovers trope never fails to captivate and pull me in. There is something so special about characters written by women that I will never understand, maybe it’s our shared girlhood experiences shining through. I get teased a lot by my guy friends about reading my books for the smut, and although it is an added bonus, I don’t think it’s ever crossed their minds that maybe it’s the longing of wanting someone to go to the edge of the world for me like I would for them.
So, what exactly is it about love that I so desperately desire? That I honestly don’t know. My gestures of love are so delicate but powerful, and I think I just want the same in return. It’s not uncommon for me to write love letters, poetry and tidbits for those I love, and through the countless articles of my endearment I have only ever received one back. I think there is something so powerful about the written expressions of love, with the thought and efforts shown through ink I have to say it is one of my top ways of showing my emotions. But through the endless hours I’ve spent huddled over paper with my favorite pens, to have ever only received one entry back, often times with my efforts being dismissed as a whole, why should I continue? Why should I be the one to open a portal to my mind and allow unappreciative people in to see? And even with the knowing that my affections will never be returned, I somehow always end up expressing them anyway.
There are so many delicate things about my heart I don’t think anyone will ever understand. I do not need to be loved loudly, extravagantly, or overwhelmingly, simply by being loved the way I love others. And maybe it’s because I fully heartedly believe in the “If they wanted to, they would” mindset therefore I will never be the one to explain how to love me, only set examples of how to do so. I do not want to receive flowers solely because I asked for them, I want someone to see them and think of me and get them. I will let you in on a secret, I don’t even have a favorite, my favorite would be whichever is gifted to me. There are so many cheap and free ways to love someone that there should never be an excuse as to not loving someone to the fullest extent.
The purest love I’ve ever been shown is through my friendships with women. Everyone forgot about my birthday, my best friend didn’t. My first flowers? My best friend. My first letters and poems written just for me? My best friend. There is something so pure and wholesome about girlhood and friendships between women that men and the rest of the universe may never understand. Maybe that has added to my frustration, I know how to love through my friendships with women, but men don’t have that luxury. I think with societal norms being pushed to pursue “manly” things instead of being shown tender love and care, maybe they truly don’t know how to love women like me properly because they’ve never been shown that type of love even from friends. I try to take the opportunities I can to show my male friends what it means to be loved platonically by women, but alas I am just one woman in a world full of men that need to be shown that. Maybe they need to be the ones reading my romantasy novels…
Basically, to summarize I hope the men out there find someone that can show them the love and compassion they deserve, and I hope through that or other means they can understand how to truly show love to people like me.
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